sometimes its good to tell a joke

[Barkmi4 (Mike)]

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a pen and paper.

 

[Barkmi4 (Mike)]

I apologise for this one in advance, but I'm British and we have a dark and twisted sense of humour...
What's the benefit of fingering a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm read for free.

 

[Barkmi4 (Mike)]

One wind turbine turned to the other and asked, "what sort of music do you like?"
The other said, "I don't know, but I'm a big metal fan".

 

[Barkmi4 (Mike)]

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.

 

[Dafsade]

I apologise for this one in advance, but I'm British and we have a dark and twisted sense of humour...
What's the benefit of fingering a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm read for free.

thanks to you I just learnt "fingering" (which is almost the same in French) and "gypsy" ! ! ah ah !
But I didn't understand the joke...

 

[Dafsade]

What did one butt cheek say to the other?
Together we can stop this sh1t

Oh ! I didn't know you say "butt cheek" ah ah ! thanks for teaching !

Anyway, I have understood this one, and I laugh !

 

[Barkmi4 (Mike)]

thanks to you I just learnt "fingering" (which is almost the same in French) and "gypsy" ! ! ah ah !
But I didn't understand the joke...

In English, red (as in the colour) and read (as in I read a book) are pronounced the same.
So gypsies typically read palms (I saw a gypsy and got my palm read), and if you finger a girl on her period.... you know, blood, red.....

 

[Dafsade]

In English, red (as in the colour) and read (as in I read a book) are pronounced the same.
So gypsies typically read palms (I saw a gypsy and got my palm read), and if you finger a girl on her period.... you know, blood, red.....

ah ok ! ! ! I didn't understand that the joke was on "read"/"red" ! that's so dirty ! but, that's funny ! !

 

[crescent moon (RIP)]

Anyone else?

 

[Madge59230]

Anyone else?

View attachment 22283

And not 'that long' ago!!

 

[ItsRalphy]

Anyone else?

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Oh dear - me two!!!!!!!!!

 

[crescent moon (RIP)]

 

[ItsRalphy]

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[crescent moon (RIP)]

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.

“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “That the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“‘Yes, I’m afraid so,”‘ the doctor replied.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady continued.

“I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition is, because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS!'”

 

[crescent moon (RIP)]

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

“Yes, Dad, what is it?”

His dad pressed his parched lips together, and then delivered this very important message:

“Don’t be nervous, son. Do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well….if something happens to me…just remember….
YOUR MOTHER IS GOING TO COME AND LIVE WITH YOU AND YOUR WIFE!”

 

[ItsRalphy]

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

“Yes, Dad, what is it?”

His dad pressed his parched lips together, and then delivered this very important message:

“Don’t be nervous, son. Do your best, and just remember, if it doesn’t go well….if something happens to me…just remember….
YOUR MOTHER IS GOING TO COME AND LIVE WITH YOU AND YOUR WIFE!”

 

[mo elbo]

Something Fast
A woman, shortly before Christmas, told her husband that she would like something able to go from 0 to 100 in more or less 4 seconds ...
It goes without saying that she wanted a new car. The husband was a bit of a cheapskate.
So for Christmas, the woman recieved a scale!

 

[mo elbo]

Husband/Wife Husband: "What do you want for Christmas?" Wife: "A divorce!" Husband: "Can you think of anything cheaper?"

 

[mo elbo]

It is late December and the correctional court judge is in a good mood. He asks the defendant: "What are you accused of?" The defendant replies "I am accused of having done my Christmas shopping too early!" The judges says "But that's not a crime." "Well, it was before the store opened..."

 

[mo elbo]

On Christmas Eve, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual journey. But this year there were many problems. Four of the elder elves became ill and the younger more in-experienced elves did not produce the toys as quickly, so Santa started to worry that he would not be ready in time. Then Mrs. Claus tells him that her mother is visiting. This makes Santa Claus stressed even more so. When he begins to gather the reindeer for his sleigh, he discovers that three of them are ready to give birth and two have jumped over the fence. The elves begin loading the sleigh and one of the boards of the sled breaks off and the bag of toys falls to the ground dispersing the toys all around. It goes without saying that Santa was not exactly in his best state of mind and slightly triggered. Then the doorbell rings and Santa goes to the door and expects another problem. He opens the door and there is a little angel with a big Christmas tree brought to cheer up Santa. The angel says in a loving tone: "Merry Christmas Santa, is it not a beautiful day today? I have a big beautiful tree for you, is it not a beautiful tree, where do you want me to put it?" And so began the tradition of the angel on top of the Christmas tree.