sometimes its good to tell a joke

[crescent moon (RIP)]

Un chien et un homme son sur un bateau. Le chien pète, l'homme tombe à l'eau et se noie. Quelle est la race du chien ?
Un pékinois. (un pet qui noie)

Either google translate is lacking, or this one loses something in translation! But thanks for all the jokes. I look for this thread every morning.

 

[mo elbo]

Either google translate is lacking, or this one loses something in translation! But thanks for all the jokes. I look for this thread every morning.

these were a few in french for the french members of the forum
and iam afread the translation takes them out of context and will come over as illogic
i will try to add some jokes on a more regular basis

 

[crescent moon (RIP)]

these were a few in french for the french members of the forum
and iam afread the translation takes them out of context and will come over as illogic
i will try to add some jokes on a more regular basis

Once upon a time, I was fairly fluent in French (3 years in high school), but that was many, many years ago. Maybe I'll put re-learning French, (and Spanish, too), on my bucket list. Google translate helps recall some of it to mind.

 

[mo elbo]

A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”

The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.

 

[mo elbo]

Once upon a time, I was fairly fluent in French (3 years in high school), but that was many, many years ago. Maybe I'll put re-learning French, (and Spanish, too), on my bucket list. Google translate helps recall some of it to mind.

I used to have my own company in antwerp belgium and it was located in an area were 178 differend nationality's resided so to learn a language is never a waste off time you never know when you might need it

 

[mo elbo]

 

[mo elbo]

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being withcheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned,'then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the manand apologized. 'I'm very sorry.
I didn't mean to come on so strong.How long have you had arthritis?
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.I was just reading here that the Pope does.

 

[Dafsade]

Once upon a time, I was fairly fluent in French (3 years in high school), but that was many, many years ago. Maybe I'll put re-learning French, (and Spanish, too), on my bucket list. Google translate helps recall some of it to mind.

Good Idea ! If you need some help, do not hesitate !
In France, some families make a challenge each friday : Speaking English ! Maybe, on this forum, we could do the same challenge : French friday, Spanish thursday, ...

A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?”

The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.

ah ah ah !

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being withcheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned,'then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the manand apologized. 'I'm very sorry.
I didn't mean to come on so strong.How long have you had arthritis?
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.I was just reading here that the Pope does.

Genial ! !

 

[Arggers]

Good Idea ! If you need some help, do not hesitate !
In France, some families make a challenge each friday : Speaking English ! Maybe, on this forum, we could do the same challenge : French friday, Spanish thursday, ...

You could always tell the Brits in France as they spoke French (usually badly) but with an obvious British accent - hey, my dad speaks it with a Norfolk accent, which is hilarious.

One of the best things when I was there was when a local asked me which part of France I was from...

 

[Dafsade]

You could always tell the Brits in France as they spoke French (usually badly) but with an obvious British accent - hey, my dad speaks it with a Norfolk accent, which is hilarious.

One of the best things when I was there was when a local asked me which part of France I was from...

ah ah ! I remember my English teachers (who were Americans, Brits, ...) when they spoke French !

Sorry, but, what does "Norfolk" mean ? ?

ah ah ! You must speak French well so !

 

[Dafsade]

@mo elbo

No more joke ? ?

This is one :

2 kids are wainting for the doctor in the waintig room.
One of them is crying.
Raoul asks : Why are you crying ?
Alfred replies : I am here for a blood test.
Raoul : And ? Are you affraid of this ?
Alfred : Yes, my brother said they cut the end of your finger to take blood !

This sentence makes Raoul cry.
Alfred : Why are you crying ? ?
Raoul : Because I am here for urine test ...

 

[mo elbo]

Reporter interviews a man: “Sir, you’ve lived next to this highway for 20 years, do you feel that it has somehow influenced you?”

The man: “NOOooooo, NOOoooo, NOOooo…

 

[mo elbo]

“Name me five different animals, Johnny.”

“The dog, the dog’s brother, the dog’s sister, the dog’s cousin and the dog’s aunt.”

 

[mo elbo]

What would you get if you crossed a vampire with a dwarf?

A creature that sucks blood from your knees

 

[mo elbo]

Today was my first day entering a court.
The judge shouted “Order, Order!!”
I was so excited,
So I shouted back “fried rice with chicken, five bottles of beer and a chilled glass of special ice mineral water.”
I am now locked up in a dark room.
I am sure they will bring my order soon.

 

[mo elbo]

1) I woke up
2) I went to school
3) I saw her
4) I ran to her, and I hugged her
5) I kissed her
Actually, the right order is 3, 4, 5, 1, 2

 

[mo elbo]

4. A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up ... you're next!"

 

[mo elbo]

i believe i can flyyy
got shot by the pizza guyyy
all i wanted was some onion ringggss
from McDonald's or Burgerkinggg
I believe i can soarrrr
mom slapped me in the grocery storeee
Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr
I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll
.

 

[mo elbo]

What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates

 

[Dafsade]

What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates

congrats ! !
First : I missed your jokes
Second : This joke is gorgeous !

Thanks @mo elbo !