sometimes its good to tell a joke

[mo elbo]

What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos

A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

 

[mo elbo]

“I dreamed last night that I had invented a new type of breakfast food and was sampling it when–”
“Yes, yes; go on.”
“I woke up and found a corner of the mattress gone!”

 

[mo elbo]

Diner: “Waiter, the portions seem to have got a lot smaller lately.”
Waiter: “Just an optical illusion, sir. Now that the restaurant has been enlarged, they look smaller, that’s all.”

 

[mo elbo]

Three old guys are out walking.. First one says,
‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’

 

[ItsRalphy]

Three old guys are out walking.. First one says,
‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’

Good call!

 

[ItsRalphy]

My turn, try these:-

Mitchy had a problem with body odor, so he went to see his doctor.
“Do you wash?” the doctor asked him.
“Of course,” Mitchy replied. “Every single morning I begin at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then, I begin at my feet and wash up as far as possible.”
“Well,” the doctor told him, “I suggest you go home and wash possible.”

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: “Breathe, stupid!”

A woman is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes she’s lost. She spots a man down below and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.
“I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Everything you have told me is technically correct, and yet it’s of no use to anyone.”
The man below says, “You must work in management.”
“I do. How did you know?”
“Well, you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help; and you’re in the same position as you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!” He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under 
the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”

A man comes to Mrs. Smith’s door and says, “There’s been an accident at the brewery. Your husband fell into 
a vat of beer and drowned.”
Mrs. Smith wails, “Oh, the poor man! He never had a chance!”
The man says, “I don’t know about that. He got out three times to go to the bathroom.”

 

[Dafsade]

My turn, try these:-

Mitchy had a problem with body odor, so he went to see his doctor.
“Do you wash?” the doctor asked him.
“Of course,” Mitchy replied. “Every single morning I begin at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then, I begin at my feet and wash up as far as possible.”
“Well,” the doctor told him, “I suggest you go home and wash possible.”

How is "possible" ? ?

 

[Chazzy999]

How is "possible" ? ?

This joke turns the word 'possible' from an adjective into a noun - so instead of meaning something like 'feasible', 'practicable' or 'viable', it means an 'item', 'area' or 'place'.

 

[Dafsade]

This joke turns the word 'possible' from an adjective into a noun - so instead of meaning something like 'feasible', 'practicable' or 'viable', it means an 'item', 'area' or 'place'.

ah ah ! thank you for explaining me ! but, it was a joke !
Actually, I have understood the joke of ItsRalphy, but maybe my joke was not understandable... it is difficult to joke in English ! and it is frustrating, because I love joking in French ! !

 

[ItsRalphy]

ah ah ! thank you for explaining me ! but, it was a joke !
Actually, I have understood the joke of ItsRalphy, but maybe my joke was not understandable... it is difficult to joke in English ! and it is frustrating, because I love joking in French ! !

 

[mo elbo]

What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
Saint Nickel-less.

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve

 

[mo elbo]

A Lady to Doctor: “My husband has d habit of talking in sleep! wat should I give him to cure”?
Doctor: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he’s awake

 

[Husam]

 

[mo elbo]

A guide, showing an old lady through the Zoo, took her to a cage occupied by a kangaroo.
“Here, madam,” he said, “we have a native of Australia.”
“Good gracious,” she replied, “and to think my sister married one of them

 

[mo elbo]

A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. “What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker.
“It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.

 

[mo elbo]

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclaimed.
‘Why Wal-Mart?’
‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.

 

[mo elbo]

• What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
  Make me one with everything.
  The hot dog vendor then gives him the dog and the Buddhist gives him a $20.
  Buddhist – Hey, where’s my change?
  Vendor – Change must come from within.
  
  
• Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
  He had no body to go with him!
  
  
• Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
  In his sleevies.

 

[mo elbo]

When we were looking to buy property I had this over zealous Realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing. The smiling super salesman said, “Now really, all this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze and some good people.” I replied, “Yeah, I agree, but couldn’t the same be said of Hell?”

 

[mo elbo]

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants.
The bartender asks, “Hey, doesn’t that hurt?”
The pirate growls, “Aye, it’s drivin’ me nuts.”

 

[mo elbo]

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ‘How do you really feel? I mean, you’re 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?’
‘Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I’ve got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.’​